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Spring break 2013: A student’s guide to having a successful trip

Talk about March Madness. I’d have to say things look worse than when the flying squirell got stuck in the Quad. With all the news we have been getting lately, I wake up most mornings expecting to get an email from the school about a kid finally getting killed by falling ice. Then maybe at least we would have a last name to use for the New Science Center. How we have been able to go this long calling it “new” is a mystery to me. I once had people say they liked my “new” haircut for a year and a half straight and thought I was pretty cool. Who knew shaving your back would make such a difference?

With Spring Break, correction, Winter Break Part Dos, starting today, I thought I would make sure everybody was on the same page. I am a bit concerned that Winter Break Part Dos might meet the same fate as a young white musician with a revolutionary war hero name (What? You guys never knew when the monks settled here before Minnesota had even applied for statehood that they had a young budding rapper Benjamin Franklin perform at Watab? This was of course, pre-constuition days. He ultimately gave it up when he got that dreaded text every boyfriend fears telling him he had become a Founding Father). So here is a heads up on what procedural steps to take so our Spring Break is still allowed to happen.

1. Pick a location where your mom would be happy to spend a weekend. So we have to rule out everything south of Iowa. Actually, Iowa is pretty boring which might lead the mind to wander to places that are not in the appropriate boundaries, especially with regard to alcohol and consensual sex. Just to be safe, stick with places like Upper Michigan, North Dakota Badlands and our campus. That is of course unless you didn’t apply to stay on campus over break. In that case, you’ll find yourself locked out. (Don’t worry, CSB/SJU is still committed to being communities of welcome, care and hospitality).

2. Make sure the location is approved by your parents — we are children after all. One cannot make such a decision with our small, feeble, impressionable minds. Think of this break as a nice lovely walk outside … except you are a leashed dog and that the paternal guardian doesn’t want you to stray too far from the sidewalk and do anything that might disrupt the natural order of the universe.

3. Make sure you pay for your trip before doing this. I understand, it might sound illogical at the moment, but I promise you this is for the best. Take McDonald’s for example, and before every Bennie stops reading, I promise this is not a Bennie joke, that’s what @BennieProbz is for. So at McDonald’s, you pay at the first window, and then you get your Big Mac at the second window. This is the same thing, everyone on the trip could even pitch in a few bucks, call it a Spring Break Activity Fee. That way you can buy a Big Mac, a spring break trip and maybe even a white rapper with questionable moral character. Just make sure you ask your parents first. We are only kids after all.