Now that the countdown to the countdown of ABC Family’s 25 Days of Christmas is over, we can finally feel guilt free about buying Christmas gifts. Although the main focus of Christmas is receiving gifts, there is a lot to be gained from giving as well. We are all familiar with the heart-warming tale of how the Grinch stole Christmas and learned that giving is its true spirit. Many overlook the practical side of giving though. The Grinch additionally learned that giving gifts is like eating a bowl of Cheerios each morning: it is heart-healthy.
Unfortunately, people who receive gifts are not always as easily satisfied as Whos – particularly your significant other. A poorly chosen gift can be more damaging than a Red Ryder BB to the eye and land you in Tough Love Boot Camp with Steve Ward. In order to avoid heartbreak and embarrassment, one must have the gift-giving intuition of Santa Claus and the smoothness of Sean Connery. This is a tall order to fill. That is why we dedicated this week’s article to the process of picking out and delivering the perfect Christmas gift for your special someone.
Before you can give a gift, you need to have a gift. While many Americans resort to QVC or Martha Stewart to pick out the perfect gift, when it comes to matters of the heart, you need to be original. Unlike most of your problems, TV cannot provide the solution. Commercials will try to seduce you with the promises of joy, but buying your girlfriend Charmin Toilet Paper because the bears looked so happy will not win you her undying love.
We cannot stress how important it is to be original when buying a gift. You do not want to be as ineffective as the Harry Potter knockoff Larry Lotter and the Half-Blood Santa. This leaves you with two options: handcrafts or sentimental gifts. Handcrafts are risky business if you are not glue adept, but the payoff can be huge. Make sure to pick something romantic, like a dreamcatcher woven from your own hair, which not only protects from bad dreams but also smells good. Also, pick something you can make and that lasts. An ice sculpture of your boyfriend’s favorite beer may be too ambitious. Sentimental gifts are pretty self-explanatory. Try to pick out a major occurrence in your guy’s life to commemorate, like the first time you kissed or shaved your legs together.
Presentation is almost as important as the gift itself. In this aspect, TV can help. Utilize Kay Jewelers commercials like you use Wikipedia for research projects. A general rule of thumb is the cornier the better. If you can arrange for a massive snowstorm to occurr outside or for a four-year-old Santa to give a gift to your significant other, you are moving in the right direction. Make sure not to get too caught up in the moment, though, and recite “Every kiss begins with Kay.” Also, use the pizazz rule. When giving the gift, the more over-the-top you go, the better. Think big, like Santa’s waistline. You want to shock and awe.
We hope this advice helps you win the heart of your significant other during this holiday season. The most important thing to remember is, whatever you do, make sure to get a special gift for that person who means the world to you. Also, re-gifting is a big no no, and unfortunately Phill cannot be given as a gift.